this is everything i didn't say

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for real though, i thought i was just a freshman last year. but now i'm in my third year of university which means i'm literally at the halfway mark of my university life. it's crazy just thinking about it. before every semester starts, i tell myself to get a grip of myself, to pull up my socks and fulfill my responsibilities as a student well. unfortunately, i get overwhelmed halfway through and sometimes even struggle to get through the semester, feeling so overwhelmed with my workload and responsibilities. at the start of almost every post, i always say something like "time flies" and stuff like that because it really really is true!! it is so difficult to explain in words how time flies so quickly yet drags so slowly at the same time for me. i am two weeks into the semester, and i am already counting down to the end. i am trying to get my stuff together, but this semester is slightly tougher. this semester is different.

this semester, my closest friends in school and hall are not even in singapore. they have gone for exchange. it really makes me feel like i should have gone for exchange this semester instead of last semester. it feels so overwhelming to have to go to school and classes knowing that my friends are at the other side of the world, while i try to mingle with others back here. it feels lonely. i walk to classes alone and seeing other people having their groups of friends having fun, i get jealous. i look away, wishing that i do not have to be in school this semester. but i have to face reality, and that is why i am counting down to the end of the semester already.

there are two things i'm very thankful for this semester. the first being lusin staying in singapore. she was originally planning to go for exchange this semester as well but thankfully she is not. but she's on leave of absence for her internship this semester which still means i am alone on campus. the second thing i am grateful for this semester is for my timetable. i guess. it is not the timetable which i wanted but i have to deal with it, it's not like i have a choice. but i don't have many break times so i don't have to desperately find a place to hang at during break time. after my lesson, i can just grab a quick bite and go to my next lesson, so i hardly hang around in school unnecessarily.

not gonna lie, it really is a lonely semester this semester for me with all my friends being gone. especially since i'm only close with a small group of people, this change definitely has an impact on me and i think i may actually be quieter than usual in school because i just feel so inferior to everything and everybody now. but oh well, eleven more weeks to go.

till next time x

last week, i went to my third hall camp with the yellow people in the oldest hall in ntu - hall one. even though i will not be staying in hall this upcoming semester or academic year, i still went to camp for the company i guess. i don't think i have been able to write about the past two hall camps i went to - first one as a freshie and second one as a fake freshie. this time, i was an unofficial senior attached with simpsons.

it is the time of the year again where i get to meet with my batch mates and catch up, where we see new faces added in our orientation group, and see the seniors who come back annually. i personally did not talk to a lot of freshies but some of them were nice and i actually learnt that a couple of them were from pj!! i think i actually spent more time talking with my batch mates rather than interacting with the freshies but then again, this was the last time that my batch would be together. since some of them will be going for exchange this semester, and i will be off for my internship the next semester, and then some of them would graduate already. it makes me feel a little sad thinking about this, especially since my friends are my greatest takeaway in the three semesters i have stayed in hall one.

shoutout to my pals in hall one yall know who you are!!! so so grateful and blessed to have met the bunch two years ago in hall camp, slowly growing closer to one another as time passes, and being my core group of friends in hall and ntu.

thankfully we were blessed with grEAT (hot) weather throughout the camp so there was no need for wet weather alternatives. the games were pretty different and like a lot of them were training the legs and stuff. justin was an ff and he did a really really good job imo!! staying over with peishi and justin and lisa and gary and hanrong and melvin and lusin meant talks and talks and talks until 4am plus the face that i wasn't able to sleep in hall meant that i only had an hour of sleep every single night. oh well. but i went home on the night before beach day and bless, got to sleep with aircon and slept for a good 10 hours plus before heading to beach day with hanrong and gary - when we also bought like 15 cups of liho for the freshies. i did not go into the sea this beach day, but after everybody went in, nick got everybody to mingle around me...... help la HAHAH for the first time, i was able to take part in svj cheer fight with the freshies and ngl, it was quite tiring but i shouted anyway. on the last day, had sushi express lunch with the batch people!!! much love de really.

i honestly don't know if i will be joining hall camp again next year, but i am truly grateful that lusin will not be going for exchange because peishi has already pangsehed me and jingwen will be flying in two weeks and i definitely cannot deal with this separation for six months. only a few people from our batch will be staying in hall this semester so.... i don't know maybe i'll join for dinner or something.

till next time x