let the good times roll

Joween
25 & dreaming.

//carpe diem//

better known as joweeeeen. your typical singapore girl. searching for happiness. quite a sentimental person who appreciates cards and letters a lot. crazy at times and pretty emotional. has a contagious laughter and a twin too. older every 21 march. insecure, annoying and always overthinking. shy and quiet, or outgoing and loud. afraid to trust, but dare to dream. loves long hugs, heart to heart talks, sincere text messages and reading handwritten cards. imagining things that will never happen. always setting high hopes and getting disappointed in the end. figuring life out every single day.

9 June 2013, the best day of my life. Live like Jesus, live with Jesus and live for Jesus.
"For nothing is impossible with God."-Luke1:37♥

jayesslee asia world tour 17/1/15
otrasg (omg i still can't believe it) 11/3/15
echosmith live in singapore + shopping 11/8/15
JTR @ asian tv awards 3/12/15
malfie @ dmu 5/12/15
slflsg (omg it was lit) 3/3/16
pentagon in sg 3/6/17
sf9 in sg 30/6/17
vixx in sg 2/12/17
jbj in sg 30/12/17
in2it in sg 2/2/18
jbj exid b1a4 in sg 21/2/18
5sos3 singapore 2/5/18
mxm in sg 4/5/18
wanna one in sg 13/7/18
hallyu pop fest 7/9/18-9/9/18
astro aroha festival in seoul 2/3/19
sbs super concert in gwangju 28/4/19
dream concert 2019 in seoul 18/5/19
w24 concert @ clubff 22/6/19
onlyoneof dot point jump fansign 29/6/19
kamp singapore 10/11/19
onlyoneof hit the line tour in malaysia 22/11/19
onlyoneof produced by part [1] video call fansign 7/6/20
e'last awake video call fansign 5/12/20 12/12/20
ntx full of lovescapes video call fansign 26/4/21 15/5/21
d-crunch daydream video call fansign 4/6/21
d-crunch addiction video call fansign 8/4/22 16/4/22
tan 2tan we ver video call fansign 31/7/22 13/8/22 14/8/22
tan dream & deurim video call fansign 28/10/22
nine.i i(part 1) video call fansign 22/12/22
tan essege video call fansign 25/3/23
bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

the blood in my veins is made up of mistakes.

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ask.fm

something to prove, nothing to lose.

singapore. '98. aries. infj. dance.

i'm stuck in between a nightmare and lost dreams.

wrps '05-'10
cchy '11-'14
pjc '15-'16
ntu wkwsci '17-'21
& a slave of capitalism for the rest of my life

make it sound so sweet when you lie to me.

joey joeyer xueqi jiahui tricia faith venessa (old) venessa eugina (old) eugina cindy clara clara

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socialising is becoming a problem for me
Sunday, 16 December 2018 || 7:51 pm

it was never like this five years ago. i remember being enthusiastic and looking forward to meeting people, i remember being just so unnecessarily loud, talking to almost everybody i see, i remember enjoying being able to talk to people first and continuing the conversation. i remember not being socially awkward. 

but now, i avoid social interaction. i only willingly talk to people i really am comfortable with. i avoid eye contact with others. it's a change i've noticed around the time i started university. i tend to be in my own bubble, in my own comfort zone, and not wanting to step out of it. there are times i tried stepping out, but it was only for the short term and soon enough, i was back staring at my phone screen when i'm around people. i've thought about why the change might have happened. is it because of my insecurities, that i'm afraid people actually do not want to talk to me? is it because even if i get close to people, they will still leave anyway? i honestly have no idea. it is tiring to be in this bubble, though. seeing others being able to start and hold conversations with others so easily makes me feel terrible about myself. it makes me think again, why have i changed? is there something wrong with me? 

i struggle. i do want to talk to new people and get to know more people. but at the same time i can't bring myself to step out of my comfort zone. i still want to stick to my close peers. talking sometimes feels like a chore. and it does not feel good. my excuse is that i take a long time to get comfortable with people, and that it is also based on the situation and circumstance. socialising was not a problem for me five years ago, but it is a major problem for me now. but honestly, realising this change allowed me to be able to see myself even more, if you know what i mean. 

i hope that this is just a phase. i hope i will overcome this someday.