this is everything i didn't say

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hello friends.

just a really short post to update about what has been happening this month so far. i can't believe we're into the last week of january already!! //internal screaming//

on 11 jan the 98' jc sisters met for dinner and desert at pomo and most of us came after work and it felt so cool that we were meeting together in the middle of the week despite work and our weariness. but yeah the ice cream at montana was really good and we saw a group of girls who were a few years older than us and crish was like "that would be us 5 years from now" HAHAH well.

also it's around a month till i get back my A level results and i am so nervous even though i know i shouldn't be. my grades have probably already been determined and packed and ready to be flown over to Singapore or something but i'm so jittery and scared ugh. i actually wouldn't be surprised if i scored badly (lol) considering how distracted i was during A level period and all, how i wasted my time dancing instead of studying... all the regrets coming to me right now. should have studied harder. should have focused. ughhhhh i don't know but i'm so ready to cry on results day idk.

and today we joined campus lunch i was honestly so scared because i never thought i would actually go to the campus so soon? but talking to tricia and james after service made me feel a little better cos they are two of the very few people i know and feel comfortable talking to from the campus. so i kinda know who's in my dgroup now because of lunch and i was actually kinda surprised because arthur suddenly came and sat behind me and joey and talked to us i was like woah and we talked about uni and stuff (omg i really hope i can at least get into a uni a uni please a uni i just need to get into a uni). yup. and idk i think i'll miss the teens. hahaha.

well work tomorrow and the thought of work really bores me out so much because 6am alarms and reaching home more than 12 hours later and mundane routines and all. but can you believe i have worked for a month already??? ok woah another two months, maybe more, to go. also i'm pretty excited because its cny at the end of the week and i have half day on friday aka i get to go home at 12.45 (i think)!!!!! plus long weekend!!!!! also i hope the new temp comes soon to help with all the scanning and filing but i'm nervous as well because you know how much of an awkward person i am but i hope we get along well and can get close and our age gap will not be so big haahaha please forgive me, a hopeless weirdo fangirl.

also i'm really really happy because i got to dance yesterday!!! i could finally sweat and feel tired and move my body after being stuck in an office for 5 days a week leading a sedentary lifestyle. bless. hopefully i'll be able to find more time to dance and swear more because you know, dance is my only form of exercise. have always been, always will be.

that's all from me for now. so excited yet nervous for what the future holds and what the rest of the year will be like.

till next time x

it's 2017 and i'm still blogging. lol. many of my friends i know who used to blog have all neglected them and here i am still at blogger dot com. but anyway this is my avenue to type out all my thoughts and various events that happened in my life since years ago and i don't think i will stop soon, considering how my attempt to journal/ have a daily diary failed terribly last year. worse comes to worse, i might just be on hiatus for a period of time if things get too busy or if life gets too mundane e.g. pre-A's period. so yes. it's 2017 and i'm still blogging.

so let's get straight to the point of this post now-- reflections and goals for 2016/17. i mean, i say the same thing every year but it's pretty amazing how fast time flies. it feels like it was just yesterday i was entering my A level year but now, i can say that i survived A level year.

2016 had been a pretty intense year for me, mainly because of A levels. the stress that comes with it and the pressure to do well did make me emotional at some period of times during the preparation period. i always made careless mistakes for math, i never put in the effort to memorise everything for history as compared to //cough// other classes, my econs was always weak, and i never finished reading my five lit texts. going to school felt like a mundane cycle, well, it was a mundane cycle i signed up for. but i couldn't be more glad that the few months of mugging and consultations and emotional roller coaster rides are over now. apart from the deadly A's, there were some highs which happened in school as well. the highlight was probably being an ogl. it was a new experience and so much fun being an ogl, i could never ask for better team mates and responsive kids. sadly though, i didn't lose my voice no matter  how much i shouted -- i really wanted to lose my voice!! also, in 2016, i  got closer with the class girls. it was great because they would be the highlight of school every single day without doubt, apart from the times we annoy joseph teo 24/7 HAHA. i really love our jokes and the times we got together doing stupid things in school even though we're 18. pretty embarrassing, but i can deal with it. we also kinda got closer to jasmine aka my only friend outside class and i love how sometimes we would try to find each other during breaks and just talk for the longest time ever!! all in all, school life in 2016 was pretty boring, but it's the small things that kept me alive throughout.

another high of 2016 was probably going to bali 5 months before A levels?? that was probably the craziest thing i have ever done in my life so far. going overseas just before mid years and missing one paper but no regrets because i got to be with my second family and eat good food and relax before all the intense mugging sessions began. another thing i'm super grateful for in 2016, is the jc ministry. we only grew closer towards the end of the year, which is kinda sad. but i really really look forward to seeing them every friday and sunday because i know that we're going through the same intense schedule and pressure and being with them actually comforts me in a kind of way that no other group of friends can. i'm so thankful for all the times that we had together which slowly made us closer as a group. i still remember we had a bibletalk at danny and peiling's house DURING A levels and everyone was so chatty and all discussing about it instead of being emo and stressed out i was actually quite relieved and happy to see that? and shoutout to my batch, the 13 of us, the biggest batch in the jc ministry so far, for going through the 2 years together, and i can't believe we'll be going to different ministries this year. //sigh// also special shoutout to my mummy poko pants i love yall vvvvv much i'm so glad we are still close despite the stress and different ministries we're in but we celebrated everyone's birthday last year, it's pretty amazing.

i'm also grateful for the chance to go overseas in 2016 like at least three times? bali, bangkok and genting. it was fun, despite all the hiccups that arise. i want to go to more places but!!!! FOR NOW I HAVE TO WORK AND SAVE MONEY someone please tell me to stop wasting money unnecessarily especially on food i just-

and i also cannot forget my secondary school clique-- yuting minray and alice!! i know i don't always join yall when we meetup cos of clashing schedules, but i just wanted to let the 3 of you know that i'm so grateful for yall i can do whatever crap i want and all you will do is laugh at me but i know that i can laugh at yall more!! @ goh whom i used to always see in school................ ok. HAHAH i really appreciate all the shit that we do when we meet up and i hope we can meet up more this year as well since A's/ib are out of the way.

ALSO, we cannot forget #SLFLSingapore aka the only concert i attended in 2016 and i got to see one of my favourite bands on a school night but it was lit. i will never forget that night. i don't know if i have any regrets during the concert, but i held my pee for an hour cos i didn't want to miss anything from the show.

last but not least, i want to thank God for being with me throughout 2016, especially during A levels. 2016 might not have been the most spiritually fulfilling journey for me, but i really want to work on my relationship with God this year, and be more spiritually mature.

as for my goals this year, apart from growing closer to God, i don't have any academic goals as of yet. i mean, A level results aren't out till 2 months later, but we'll see how i do and maybe just cry for a week straight.... i'm really so nervous for A's results even though i know i can do nothing about it ugh i should just stop thinking about it, but i can't sometimes.

in 2016, my new years resolutions were as follows:
1) be more disciplined
2) work on my relationship with God
3) be more open/less socially awkward
i think i didn't achieve my 3rd goal at all considering how i still keep to myself, avoiding any social gatherings. i don't know. it feels weird to be working on this and i really don't know what to think about this goal for now. but uni starts (hopefully) this year and i need to make friends and all but... i really don't know.

as for now i hope that 2017 will bring good vibes and everything, that i will be closer to my friends and family, and that it will be a year i can grow in. i hope everyone's 2017 will be great!! if something bad happens, remember that life can't be a high all the time. obstacles are inevitable and we'll overcome them one by one.

here's to the new year.

till next time x