this is everything i didn't say
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thoughts.
Wednesday, 21 October 2015 || 12:40 am
it's midnight on a weekday, i'm supposed to be sleeping but i'm casually lying on my bed with laptop... typing this post out. messed up body clock with messed up thoughts - that's me right now. i feel so different lately and i don't even know why. it's as though some things have changed - not for the better, and not for the worse as well. i don't know man, everything that happens is God's plan. trust in Him. really ought to remind myself to live for God and that everything, anything that happens, happens for a reason.
soo... we've finally completed the burdensome headache-causing fingers-numbing wr, ready for submission tomorrow. i literally just heaved a sigh of relief. no more worries about adding si, cutting down words, ensuring that the words and flow of thoughts actually make sense, inserting this, editing that, and it's probably about time when i memorise my wr from cover to cover for rtq prep. next up is op, and mine will be on 2 nov. and if you're wondering, i do not look forward to it. at all. i haven't fully memorised my script nor have i prepared for rtq!! today, ms jane called two pairs of people (one from s22 and one from our class) to answer two rtq questions in front of both classes. and (un)fortunately for me, i got called. whaaaat. it was so nerve-wrecking my palms were actually sweating. i would say my first attempt at answering an rtq question on the spot was not bad for a first-timer, but it was still bad. aiya. and my group did our presentation today, for the first time without our scripts, and it went really bad. HAHA. i have yet to memorise the last part of my script but i'll work on that. other than op, we still have i&r to deal with. i honestly can't wait to get pw over and done with! but then when pw is over it means one thing -- promos results. doomsday. when i will know my promotional status. or how i tell people, it's when i know whether i go up or stay. oh well fingers crossed and hoping for the best.
this week is the start of O's and well who would have thought 365 days have passed by so quickly! just one year ago i was rushing all my tys, spamming consults, writing essays, getting worried and nervous over every wrong question, and having sweaty palms before every paper. shoutout to gyt, mr and alice for being idiotic and comical during this crucial period of time, making jokes and helping me feel better, as well as stressing me out sometimes when ya'll get nervous and talk about tuitions and stuffs????? and also, shoutout to nathan for literally being there for me throughout my o's period and trying to calm me down before every paper which, coming to think about it, seems like a really difficult task. really appreciate it! so to all juniors, you can do it!! and i'd like to take this time to wish the seniors all the best for a's too! grad is over, still see some of ya'll studying in school/through snapchat feeling stressed, but ya'll can do it! completing a's means completing 12 years of formal education yaz ya'll can ace a's!! just don't set the standard too high till our batch will be expected to do better HAHA. okay basically to anyone taking major/minor/whatever kind of exams, goodluck!!
news came recently that the vamps, the tide and 5sos will be coming to singapore next year and obviously my sisters are going crazy. but the tickets are so expensive i don't even understand why it is so expensive to live in singapore, really. singapore may be a first world country but doesn't mean that we're all rich!! (in this case i mean that not all of us can afford overpriced-or so- gigs). sigh.
p.s. i hate the mother tongue/pw intensive timetable because mother tongue is always or most of the time in the morning while pw is in the afternoon and we have to report to school at the normal timing - and this deprives me of my sleep as i could use an extra 3-4 hours of sleep but no. we have to go to school for morning assembly and then sweat in school and not be able to sleep because uncomfortable environment. ok. and the school's being strict about late coming issues and absentees stuff it's like zzz whatever just let me sleep okay please.
i handed in my ogl application form yesterday and i'm hoping for the best. i was rather skeptical whether i should hand it up or not, because i had many insecurities and thoughts, but carpe diem right? quote jared from india 2013. there are so many reasons why i want and don't want to be an ogl. but oh well, let's see how the interview goes.
i take so long to get over things. and this is something that i have to change, i know it. it sucks taking a long time to get over things because i'll be stuck in the past while people move on and ultimately, i'll be the one facing problems and all. get over things from the past, joween! if there's something i really need to learn, it is to get over things as soon as possible. there is no point being stuck in the past. time doesn't stop. people won't wait for me. k e e p m o v i n g o n . so yeah basically i've been thinking about some things in the past (some events which occurred rather recently, some long ago) which kinda keeps me thinking about stuff and sometimes this leads me to overthinking things and sometimes making me feel a tad bit emotional and this sucks too so yeah this has got to stop. l e t i t g o .
"i'll get over the way that you got over me
i know that i'll make it there eventually
get my heart to erase somehow
and stop wondering
where are you now"
till next time x
