JOWEEEEEN

this is everything i didn't say

Thursday, 20 August 2015 || 9:01 pm

//frustrated

forgotten

stressed

i feel like there is no point in getting close to people

because it is as though people will get tired of you in the end

and they leave

and just leave you hanging in midair

and it sucks

slowly

i'm starting to fade out

slowly

i become insignificant

slowly

nobody cares

slowly

forgotten

being awkward in big groups sucks. being unsociable in a group of talkative people sucks. i guess the shyness inside of me is stopping me from stepping out of my comfort zone to be able to comfortably talk to people. but right now i think i should just focus on my studies and relationship with God yup :-)

echosmith?!?!?!

Sunday, 16 August 2015 || 9:42 pm

and for the first time ever, echosmith in singapore!!!! 11 august 2015 was a surreal, unimaginable, unbelievable crazy day for me i literally can't believe i actually got to hang out with echosmith and watch them live in singapore for the first time!!!!! i was literally so tired at the end of the day and i can't believe what actually happened yesterday!! i'll try to remember as much as possible what happened yesterday and stay sane at the same time alright!!!!!

so basically we met the 987fm crew and some other people at some hotel lobby and from there, we got to the basement and made our way to topshop from another door. ooh new discovery made HAHA and then we just waited around for awhile and of course, joakim and gerald came!!! and then due to time constraints, we had to find 4 outfits first and try them on. gosh i have not tried topshop clothes for so so so long!!!! so we tried, and they took a few photos and videos which are outtakes HAHAH yeah and we did that until like 9.45 or something cos echosmith was finally coming!!!!!!! me and joey were hiding behind the racks cos we were so nervous we felt like we had to shit again (we actually shat in the morning LOL) and cos we were excited too and literally had no idea what to do or say. and then suddenly through the door i saw noah, who was really really tall so i could see him easily and i began like "omg they're here they're here they're-" and i just couldn't take it anymore i didn't know what i did afterwards. but then the 987fm crew introduced themselves and then we shook hands with graham, noah and sydney. jamie's wife was gonna give birth so he couldn't be here today nawwwwww jamie we miss you!!!! it was awkward at first cos graham's hands were in his pocket then i think i said something retarded like "um hi" then everyone laughed but OMG OKAY I SHOOK THEIR HANDS??!?!?!??!111 HAHAH okay then we began shooting the challenge thingy and it was basically looking around topshop and getting the outfits that we found earlier on. so this was like a little bit of interaction time with sydney cos sydney was with us, and noah and graham were with joesph, a 987 radio star contestant. so yazzzz sydney she's so so so pretty and nice and down-to-earth and friendly and it was so easy to talk to her?!?!?! she was telling us which clothes she had already, even the outfit that she was wearing was from topshop! HAHAHA!!!! so we found the clothes and we changed into them and take pictures and videos all, and took the closing scene kind of thing. and then we had to do a short "catwalk" kind of thing to show our outfits and we did the most embarrassing thing ever cos we didn't know what to do. joakim was saying "sibling chemistry" then sydney actually asked if we were siblings because she thought we were not related HAHAH. and then the surprise came like this:
joakim: so joey and joween
me: yup
joakim: you guys have met echosmith in real life
me: yup
joakim: AND YOU GUYS ARE GONNA CATCH THEM IN CONCERT TONIGHT
and then 1 second later i was in a frenzy, shaking so hard, receiving the concert tickets and thanking joakim with a shaky voice and joey started crying and i started tearing up because we really had no idea!!!! i was like in a state of shock, and i think everyone else who saw joey cry were in one too. then sydney was like "you didn't know about it?" and we're like no then we hugged sydney and she said "see you tonight" and then we continued with the closing scene, me and joey obviously still in a state of shock. then we took a group picture with echosmith before they went to the class95 shooting thingy. then me and joey changed out and we took a selfie with the bro code aka joakim and gerald. much ndp 2012 memories yo!!!!! finally a picture with joakim after 3 years!!! then we waited for echosmith to finish their shooting with class95 before we asked them to sign on the talking dreams cd that warner music gave us. (THANK YOU WARNER MUSIC)!! sydney was like "how do you spell your name" and i spelled it once for her while she wrote "to" then she's like "sorry you'd have to say that one more time" hahah and she wrote my name and noah overlooked her writing my name and after she finished writing my name, noah was like "joween, nice name" THANK YOU NOAH!!!!! and we took another group picture with them before bidding them farewell. and i don't even know, but we hugged them goodbye, saying bye and see ya tonight kind of things. sydney, graham and noah. and then we left and passing by joakim, i said "well done for ndp!" HAHAH yay THE DAY STARTED ON A HIGH NOTE WITH ECHOSMITH YAS!!!!! <33333333

CONCERT NIGHT. we got lost at sentosa first trying to find hard rock hotel then the colesium LOLOLOL foreigner in my own land no joke HAHAH so we wasted like 10-15 minutes la and by the time we joined the queue, there were about 100 people there, or more, my estimation sucks so yah. so we sat in the queue for like 5-10 minutes and then the gates were opened!!! we were actually quite in front, at the 4th row or something, cos it was free standing, and later during the concert we got squeezed to the second row BUT THEN EVERYBODY WAS SO TALL NO JOKE. so from 7+ we waited as more people started streaming into the colesium. and the opening act aka david choi came up at 8!!! he sang mostly what he sang during shine fest!!! so me and joey were there screaming sometimes and typically, the people in front had to cover their ears and everyone judged us. SO YAH WHATEVER. BUT HELLO GUYS CHEER FOR DAVID CHOI LA. he's back in singapore within two months aww!!!! but yea he sang his songs till 8.30 and then we waited for echosmith to come out and david said "next up is the best band in the world, echosmith!" and everyone finally cheered super loudly lol. and echosmith (omg i met them before the show) came out only at 8.45 ish close to 9 and the person beside us was complaining about how the waiting time is so long. girl, you have not been to a one direction concert they were an hour late okay do not complain. HAHAHA. but yea when they came out the crowd went wild (sometimes) lol and everyone danced to nothing wrong and come together and sang bright altogether it was so cool even though we sang it wrongly and everyone literally whipped their phones out during cool kids. ahhhhhhh it was unbelievable i got to see them live after meeting them and hugging them and talking to them in person before the show!!!!! sydney was so so pretty noah was just going around the stage with his bass and graham was all in beat with the drums (despite yawning almost like the whole time) HAHAHA when sydney said "singapore its so hot!" TOTALLY REMINDED ME OF LIAM DURING OTRA HDJNOWNOS the only down about the show was that the people in front of me were legit tall i had to stretch my hands all the way up to video them and to try to get a glimpse of them too!!!!!! and the crowd was not very very very very high LOL. times like this i wish i was 1.9m tall NO JOKE. but yea it was such an amazing night and the show ended at 10.15 and by the time we reached home it was midnight and wow it was a surreal day!!!!!!

BASICALLY ECHOSMITH ROCKED THE DAY. <3

//

engaging china conference made me miss an entire day of lessons though most of the time i was slacking!!!!! had the tea duty and it was so stressful i almost spilled the tea like twice lol crap. and then all we had to do was direct guests to venue. and also the plus was the free fooddddddd yazzz the breakfast and two breaks and our pre-packed lunch was so good legitimate i did not have to spend money on recess and lunch today!!! hahaha also, it was a good talking time with jay, desiree and niger talking about ECs and seeing everyone (including the SCs) tease jay about his shipping stuff HAHAH and watching everybody try to guess vionna HAHAH. it was a super slack day but i was so so so tired too. sian-ed that i missed lesson but oh well. went to church straight afterwards and it was the split lessons aye. then van, theo and crish tried tying my hair and i felt so uncomfortable cos it felt messy and i miss my long hair!!!! didn't talk to a lot of people today oh well.

renee's surprise farewell party!!! we were at nex before that and we saw renee and elaine and we had to lie to renee that we were meeting dayna HAHAH. then we met rachel at serangoon mrt and talked about the attendance and what a crowd it will be later on! met dayna afterwards at the busstop and we went to church together. almost everybody were wearing as though they were going for a wedding dinner because it really felt like one HAHAH. the room was decorated so nicely omg all the lights and red carpet and disney songs playing at the background felt so magical legitimately. so before renee's arrival, we were briefed about what was gonna happen, and we learnt the lyrics to a song we were gonna have to complete later, and basically got ready for renee's arrival! so when renee came in through the door she was surprised and shocked and she started to cry hahaha aww and she tried to like runaway so many times but elaine and others got her back on the red carpet. so the first thing was a renee quiz and we had to get into groups and apparently our group didn't know renee as we thought we knew HAHAH. then it was dinner time the food was good and the cupcake was super nice no joke! then we talked with nick and some other people. and then it was the sharing and more emotional part. because renee had played such a huge role in most of our lives! she's such a caring, loving, encouraging, fun, enthusiastic, serving sister and everybody just loves her. and she going to the US, would be a loss!! quite a number of people shared for renee and that just shows how renee had impacted the ministries and people around her. and afterwards it was the video part and the last part of the video was like a flashmob thingy and we all crept up behind her and sang the lyrics to the last part of the song!! flashmob a success yes!! then renee made a speech before it was phototaking and fellowship time. we took a djc photo yay!! great night!!! even though productivity level is zero.

had an impromptu djc lunch today and it was so cool and it was initiated with renee. i honestly am so grateful for someone like renee who takes time to spend time with different groups of people and being able to socialise so easily with many many people. there were like more than 10 of us who made it to the impromptu lunch yay! and we saw other groups of teens at kfc too hahaha. anyways went back with daynz and we saw verdelle and sabrina at the busstop and we talked to them too since we were taking the same bus and so it was a good time getting to know them a little more. :) and they talked about the date this coming saturday too cos dayna was gonna be the oldest person there hahahaha. :) good good weekend!!!!

28 days to promos i really need to up my game lol.

//i don't know why and i don't know how. i never wanted this to happen. i didn't see this coming. i should have treasured everything before things became a mess. there is hope but there is doubt too. i don't even know if it is possible anymore, for things to get back to the way it used to be.

till next time x

into august

Sunday, 9 August 2015 || 10:12 pm

this past weekend was a normal weekend for most people, i would say, probably spent studying or something. but it wasn't for me. in fact, this past weekend had been quite an interesting one. anddddddddd i have loads of undone homework, something that i will probably regret for the rest of the weeks before promos. but oh well, here's how it went.

i went home after school on friday had dinner, showered and packed my bag to go meet crish at woodlands because i was staying over at her house! it was a last minute but not last minute kind of thing because we actually said we wanted to have a sleepover but we didn't confirm it until thursday!!! HAHAH so i was like all cleannnnn and she was so sweaty and smelly cos she just ended training. luckily for us, the 161 we took was not crowded and when we passed by IJ, she showed me luke/bob i forgot which one but ya it's one of them but he's so tiny you can't even see his face and he's back-facing us what even crish!!!!!! and there was no traffic jam too and it was a good 20-ish minute bus ride and then we changed to another bus and talk about a lotttttt of things. when we reached her house at around 7.30, her family was preparing to leave for church and so we had the house to ourselves for the next two hours AHAHAH. so after she showered, we went to ntuc to buy some food and snacks because we actually planned to study overnight (that never happened) and we bought oreo because we were like craving for it? and chilli crab flavoured instant noodles and some baby biscuits and wafer biscuits too. we were deciding on chilli crab or tomyam and we flipped a coin and decided on chilli crab HAHAHA but then both the flavours were not in favour of crish's throat but she was like "aiya nevermind la just drink water la" the yolo in crish is coming out HAHAH. so yeah we went back at cooked the noodles and watched picture this. (we planned to watch a movie first before studying overnight ok) it was sooooo interesting and the noodles were so spicy crish started sweating in the aircon room and my lips were soooooo red!!! hahaha and halfway through the movie, crish fell asleep and never woke up. (not really) (she woke up and told me that she'll sleep for a short while and wake up to study) well and as for me, i finished the movie and then completed my math homework at 1.30 before going to sleep because somehow i was really tired too. and i don't know how crish did it but she was awake at 5+ and slept and woke up at 6+ and slept again like whaaaaat. HAHAH then we both woke up at 9+ and went like "okay we must study now" because really, our overnight study plan failed miserably and terribly. so yeah we cooked the chilli crab noodles again for our breakfast but this time we put less sauce to decrease the spiciness level but crish still sweat anyway. and then it was so funny when crish was on the phone with her friend to ask about pw then some random person asked for her ic number to give the sg50 funpack and crish was so confused she was like "huh" "joween help" "what are they doing why is this happening" and i was just laughing at her cos it was so funny okay!!!! HAHAH. and then when crish got some of her pw stuff right, she was like "I'M IN A ROLL" then me and carl corrected her like "it's ON a roll" HAHAHAH. then afterwards in the afternoon me and crish went to greenwich cbtl to study it was a rather quite and empty and peaceful place so it was quite nice to study there. total opposite of woodlands cbtl which is crowded with many many people HAHAH. there was a group of students from AJ having their pw meeting and a pair of O level kids. hahah we studied for a short while before we headed back home while i continued studying and crish prepared for vanessa's party like pack her bag and stuff. then we went to nex, h&m to walk around and met up with celine kyla duncan and joseph. duncan and joseph were sunburnt, it was so funny when crish hit them. then at caldecott we met with joey and duncan and walked to vanessa's condo. on the way, we saw two of vanessa's IJ friends aka crish's seniors. then at the condo, we met with jermaine, mai and nasrin (aka my seniors) and the rest of the crew. so we before 6.30, we had fellowship and just talked with people listening to crish's playlist that we prepared at the last minute and even had a briefing HAHAHA. so the plan was like that: vanessa was to arrive at 6.30 and everyone else will hide at some corner except the band people. in the end she came at 7+ and she and the band people played mafia so her eyes were closed when the rest of us entered the function room as quitely as we could. somehow you could feel some excitement in the quiet room HAHAHA and when renee told everybody to open their eyes, we all shouted "SURPRISE!" and vanessa got a little shock and started crying when we sang the birthday song for her. surprise success!!!! and then we started having buffet dinner and taking photos with the birthday girl. there was a photobooth there which ran for 2 hours and we could take any amount of photos we wanted which was so cool ok, so cool, and i took like close to 20 pictures even though i looked horrible. took with the queen aka van, pj people, crish, west, jc sisters and even the JOs (us and joseph and joel HAHAH). yeah it was good food and good fellowship and a good time taking ethe pictures and queuing up to take a picture with vanessa. then we were all grouped into 4 groups to put up a dance, skit, rap and poem for vanessa and apparently my group got the dance and so we danced to bse which was the easiest dance i could find online HAHAHA it was very funny la the whole thing HAHAHA. and afterwards came the more serious and emotional part which was the sharing. there were around 5 people who shared awwwwwww and then it ended at around 10+ and we stayed somemore for more pictures and fellowship and vanessa did the pinata thingy and a whole group of us left at around 10.30+ yay so it was a good day!!! :-)))))

then on wednesday crish came and crash PJ without us having to fetch her so it was her lone venture in choa chu kang!!! she came when we were in the midst of an ambass duty rehearsal and house games. ambass duty rehearsal was for the engaging china conference that was gonna happen the next friday which means i will be missing a whole day of lessons oh no. and so we looked around at nobel and keller house games because we couldn't really do anything and i didn't have a proper attire HAHAH so all we could do was look at them play. and take weird not-your-typical photos HAHAH and we studied a little for the night study program thingy. well, we tried, but we ended up talking most of the time. but hey, fellowship is always way better than homework. and we had the free dinner with vanessa and we talked and laughed so much and so loud i think we actually disturbed other people (or seniors) who were studying OOPS. but yeah we studied/ did our homework until 8.30+ then went home.

and on thursday was school national day celebrations which brought an end to the really really short week! i swear ndps in JC are boring as hell so all those in secondary school, really, enjoy it while you can. there were no performances or dance whatsoever okay!! and i legit miss dancing for ndp with fellow dancers for the first three years of my secondary school life. sigh. so we had almost an hour of break (yup sure) and then for one hour activity it was literally building the lego blocks and i was so done LOL. and for the performance, it was just videos videos and videos and question and answers and everyone was literally so dead, even the singing part. something i regretted not doing was randomly standing up in the middle of reach out for the skies and dancing to it HAHAH cos that's probably what i would do if i were still in CHUNG CHENG. anyways this ndp we had jasmine's company cos her class was sitting right in front of our's then she just casually joined in our class. so we just stood up together during Our Singapore and we made jasmine stand up if not we would be awkward. then we joined A06's class i think which lisa and friend joined so i joined in samantha and we just belted out the chorus like nobody's business. i swear the J2s were judging us. HAHAHA and when Our Singapore played for the second time, there was actually a snake which went up all the way to the stage and at the front of the stage jasmine was like "eh go up leh you want go up or not" and i just pushed her up because yolo. HAHAHA ok it was crazy and i was sweating buckets at the end of the song. and that marked the end of the concert segment. overall bonding but it was good being zihigh with jasmine going all patriotic HAHAH. and so afterwards we went to greenwich to study with crish ugh all the way to greenwich siannnnnnnnn. and we actually pranked everybody else that we weren't able to make it for nick's surprise thingy. didn't turn out very good but oh well. we met chelsia at hougang and went to buy some stuff from ntuc and got caught and yeah oh well things got tensed or maybe i got tensed and awkward but yeah. when everybody arrived we went to nick's place and it was surprise fail because nick actually saw us HAHAH fail ok but whatever. the two birthday people nick and jeremy got floured. and then the rest of the time was spent taking photos until 9 plus ish or something. ayeeeeee. so tired.

on friday morning we went facial. then we went town to take a look at topshop though really, we cant fit into any of the clothes HAHAH hashtag fatass. then we had ewf where i went all insane and called yuting and crish. but yeah afterwards we went to kallang leisure park to meet with the JC ministry and have board games and it was quite a good fellowship especially during the two games of mafia during the last hour or so. zzz all the brothers against me i am so d o n e with them HAHAH. and then we went to grandma's place for dinner yum yum in the tum tum. ok lame bye.

so on saturday we planned to meet 9.55 at bugis to study at nlb and i arrived at like 9.50 and guess what? EVERYBODY ELSE WAS LATE. story of my life: literally everyone i meet will be late. yuting came at 10.23. and alice and minray came at 10.40 or something?!?!?!?!?!?!? i was like omg okay whatever. but i had free data so yazzzz it wasn't so bad. it was my first time at nlb to study LOL and we found a place at the 8th level. damien and kaien came at like 12+ and yup the poly kid actually did work. his work is greek to me legit he has a book about computer programming that made no sense to me. AT ALL. we had dinner at like 1+ and me and yuting were very very very hungry our stomachs were growling. and we decided on some chinese food aka chicken rice nearby which, honestly, was so so good. then we went back to study. halfway through damien and kaien switched place cos damien needed to charge his laptop LOL and yeah the way alice and damien interacted was so so so funny i cannot!!!! then the guys left for dk what at clarke quay and then the four of us (yes the four of us) continued studying until 7.30+ and i actually completed my agenda for the day!!! so yasssss and we had astons at bugis + for dinner and i swear it was so so so good omg. probably because i hadn't had astons for so long. but it was a really good dinner as we laughed at our old photos from secondary school days which were really really bad. then we went around window shopping and i met faith!!! went to see her twin sisters who are uber cute and pull and bear cos she wanted to buy a shirt. then we asked alice to help us take a photo and when me and faith were looking at the photos she spammed, she actually took my bag which i had put on the floor and ran into pull and bear. sneakyyyyy!!! then as yuting was purchasing her things, alice had a brilliant idea to hide from her HAHAHA and we hid outside and ran outside and that was actually already very tiring for me and minray HAHAHA. and then we headed home :-) 'twas a good day.

and on sunday almost everyone was wearing red yay patriotic!!! we had normal service and then celebration service it was so funny, when we sang some national day songs HAHAH. then i had lunch with dayna and i was like so so so frustrated, but yeah. my sisters went to changi airport to fetch cody simpsons they actually had four fingers for lunch and waited for dk how many hours to see him for less than 10 minutes lol. HAPPY NATIONAL DAY aka happy free public transport rides and free data. HAHAH never been prouder to be Singaporean.

so that was roughly how my week went and now its all prep for promos i'm so so so so scared you have no idea okay.

till next time x