this is everything i didn't say

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omg time flies in the blink of an eye the june holidays have come and gone and now we're in july!!!! also, my mid years have just ended and yes, i'm officially done with semester 2 week 1!!!!! i can say, i survived one whole week of writing essays, because my subject combination is literally all essay writing, except for math and pw i guess????? econs history lit math, i guess the pains of being an arts student is that your master hand will develop more muscles and you cry everytime your pen ink finishes. even though it's only mid years that's over, i feel so so relieved now it feels like i just did my A's but HAH no. now i'm just mentally preparing myself for my results which i predict will not be very good looking considering how unprepared i was for the papers and how i only legit started studying during the last week of june holidays. yes i'm shaking my head at myself too alright. i am now determined to start studying for my promos which is around 3 months time. please kick my butt if you see me lazing around and procrastinating and doing nothing but sleeping and eating all day okay. i kinda reckon that's gonna happen oh gosh.

so moving on the next couple of months are most probably gonna be very tough and stressful. (imagine next year though) (that's if i promote) with promos coming in the way and pw going full on after, i think i might just go crazy. but then again i'm not the only one going through school, hundreds of other students are going through it too and there are many batches of students above who have done it so i really have to stop my complaining tongue!!!! well but i guess i can take a weekend break aye. much needed after cramming so many things these past two weeks. just kidding all the readings and revisions should have been done like since the beginning of the year but i'm such a lazy ass sometimes......

but then looking back at the past 6 months.. well what can i say the first six months of 2015 had been overwhelming and sick!!! getting o's results was so so so so emotional. choosing a tertiary education and waiting for the results had been nerve-wrecking. getting into pioneer junior college and trying to adapt to college life had been... i dont know, overwhelming??? turned 17 which is a very very odd age i feel, and turned 2 years as a disciple was so exciting. catching jayesslee and one direction in SINGAPORE had been pretty amazing and surreal oh my gosh i can't. the thought of having seen one direction and been to a one direction concert? dayum. and the best thing of all? not having to touch chinese in junior college. till this day i still cannot believe that i passed my higher chinese okay!!! i know you think i'm a weirdo for not getting over it but passing higher chinese was unbelievable especially since i've been failing it ever since i stepped foot into secondary school and maybe i feel so much because i was once asked by teachers and even had to talk to the vice principal about dropping higher chinese. but my friends keep telling me to not drop it and that period of time was so stressful no joke. so now i enjoy longer breaks in school yazzz!!!!

there are other things that i have to work on this semester too. first of all, being disciplined. i need to have self-control and self-discipline if not i have no one but myself to blame if i become a kairos which i really really dont want to be. then quiet times i really need to and want to work on more consistent quiet times!!! this week had been good but it's probably because it's the exam period and i end pretty early. but from next week onwards school is as per normal so i have to work on it. and. i dont know but i feel like i should start stepping out of my comfort zone and start talking to new people. i'm super introverted in this aspect, i'm not the crazy noisy loud annoying joween that my close friends know, and i am definitely not one who will initiate conversations with new people. one word which accurately describes me when i'm with new people, is awkward. which is why i feel like i should start talking to new people and work on my awkwardness. i mean who is not awkward at first, right? i just have to get over it and stop having this awkward mindset and probably stop being so insecure and afraid of being judged. you only live once. especially since now i'm in the jc ministry in church and one of the oldest in teens it's probably time to get to know some younger people before some of them go to the campus ministry. plus the fact that i really do not know how long i will be staying in the jc ministry HAHA. okay oh well i'm shy i'm awkward i'm insecure i'm afraid of getting judged all these hinder me from meeting new people but i'm gonna have to try. and i'm probably gonna take a lot of time doing this HAHA. but then again i really want the teens ministry to be close to one another so that we can have the hype back from 3 years ago when i first stepped into the teens. oh well i know my thoughts are messed up but whatever okay.

i do not know who reads this blog, but

till next time x