let the good times roll

Joween
25 & dreaming.

//carpe diem//

better known as joweeeeen. your typical singapore girl. searching for happiness. quite a sentimental person who appreciates cards and letters a lot. crazy at times and pretty emotional. has a contagious laughter and a twin too. older every 21 march. insecure, annoying and always overthinking. shy and quiet, or outgoing and loud. afraid to trust, but dare to dream. loves long hugs, heart to heart talks, sincere text messages and reading handwritten cards. imagining things that will never happen. always setting high hopes and getting disappointed in the end. figuring life out every single day.

9 June 2013, the best day of my life. Live like Jesus, live with Jesus and live for Jesus.
"For nothing is impossible with God."-Luke1:37♥

jayesslee asia world tour 17/1/15
otrasg (omg i still can't believe it) 11/3/15
echosmith live in singapore + shopping 11/8/15
JTR @ asian tv awards 3/12/15
malfie @ dmu 5/12/15
slflsg (omg it was lit) 3/3/16
pentagon in sg 3/6/17
sf9 in sg 30/6/17
vixx in sg 2/12/17
jbj in sg 30/12/17
in2it in sg 2/2/18
jbj exid b1a4 in sg 21/2/18
5sos3 singapore 2/5/18
mxm in sg 4/5/18
wanna one in sg 13/7/18
hallyu pop fest 7/9/18-9/9/18
astro aroha festival in seoul 2/3/19
sbs super concert in gwangju 28/4/19
dream concert 2019 in seoul 18/5/19
w24 concert @ clubff 22/6/19
onlyoneof dot point jump fansign 29/6/19
kamp singapore 10/11/19
onlyoneof hit the line tour in malaysia 22/11/19
onlyoneof produced by part [1] video call fansign 7/6/20
e'last awake video call fansign 5/12/20 12/12/20
ntx full of lovescapes video call fansign 26/4/21 15/5/21
d-crunch daydream video call fansign 4/6/21
d-crunch addiction video call fansign 8/4/22 16/4/22
tan 2tan we ver video call fansign 31/7/22 13/8/22 14/8/22
tan dream & deurim video call fansign 28/10/22
nine.i i(part 1) video call fansign 22/12/22
tan essege video call fansign 25/3/23
bolditalicunderlinestrikeout

the blood in my veins is made up of mistakes.

twitter
instagram
ask.fm

something to prove, nothing to lose.

singapore. '98. aries. infj. dance.

i'm stuck in between a nightmare and lost dreams.

wrps '05-'10
cchy '11-'14
pjc '15-'16
ntu wkwsci '17-'21
& a slave of capitalism for the rest of my life

make it sound so sweet when you lie to me.

joey joeyer xueqi jiahui tricia faith venessa (old) venessa eugina (old) eugina cindy clara clara

Template by Elle @ satellit-e.bs.com
Banners: reviviscent
Others: (1 | 2)


this is everything i didn't say
October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 December 2012 January 2013 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 May 2015 June 2015 July 2015 August 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 April 2016 May 2016 June 2016 September 2016 November 2016 December 2016 January 2017 February 2017 March 2017 April 2017 May 2017 June 2017 July 2017 September 2017 October 2017 November 2017 December 2017 January 2018 February 2018 March 2018 April 2018 May 2018 June 2018 July 2018 November 2018 December 2018 January 2019 February 2019 March 2019 April 2019 May 2019 July 2019 August 2019 October 2019 November 2019 December 2019 February 2020 March 2020 April 2020 September 2020 October 2020 November 2020 January 2021 February 2021 March 2021 April 2021 May 2021 July 2021 September 2021 October 2021 January 2022 April 2022 May 2023 February 2025 May 2025

-
Monday, 27 April 2015 || 8:44 pm

have you ever felt okay, but not okay at the same time? have you ever felt like things are okay, but not okay at the same time? have you ever felt a mix of emotions once, and the next, you feel... emotionless?

life has been normal so far, with normal school and homework and everything else that my world revolves around. but i don't know, i've been feeling weird and funny recently. i feel kind of overwhelmed lately, and i myself do not know why. and sometimes i get easily emotional and other times i just don't feel anything at all, or rather have mixed feelings i guess. and i seriously don't know why i'm feeling like that. i probably haven't felt like that before. is this part of growing up because of the things i'm going through? but then all the things i'm going through is what normal teenagers go through and all is well for everybody else. everybody else, but me. this feeling sucks. when i just talk to someone or read a text, i can feel emotional for one moment and the next moment, i may be okay. or maybe could it be that i'm too used to feeling like that that i'm now numb to the feeling, and hence i don't feel anything? i am so confused with myself screw it. and now, i can only think of the line which my seniors told me three years ago in sumatra: "shit happens. suck it up and deal with it." deal. with. it. probably easier said than done, but i guess life goes on... 

disappointment. will there ever be a time when i won't disappoint others in whatever i do? whether it is disappointing my family, my friends or my teachers. i feel like i'm a disappointment to everyone around me. i feel so insecure whenever i am asked to do things because i am afraid i will disappoint others. i guess we all do not want to disappoint others, and we all can't always do things that please everyone, people are bound to be disappointed at our actions sometimes. i can only try my best to not disappoint people. but how? i don't know. i'll figure a way to do so. 

insecurity. i swear i feel so insecure about my whole entire self. the way i look the way i speak the way i walk the way i laugh, whatever i do, i feel like someone will be judging me. okay, everyone judges. but when people's impression of me changes, because, for instance, i let out a side of me i've not shown before, it's when i start getting insecure all over again. "what will that person think about me now" "that person will think i'm such a fool" "that person is judging you all over again" i feel judged all the time. i wonder how people walk around with so much confidence and self esteem in them, because i can never do so. never. ever. i get insecure over the slightest of things, like when i stop talking to people. my thoughts run wild. "am i a boring person" "what did i do wrong" "it's my fault, i shouldn't have said/done that". everything. i am just too paranoid. ugh. 

we're all imperfect. i can't do things that not disappoint everyone, everytime. it's fine to be insecure, i guess, but being overly insecure? i guess that's my problem. that's when i keep thinking so much. when i think i have many problems but actually not. shit happens. suck it up and deal with it, joween. 

i just want to go back to the times when i don't have problems, back to the carefree childhood days when i didn't have to care about who to be friends with, when i didn't have to think of a conversation starter. things grow complicated as we grow older. all the situations we have to deal with is unavoidable. this is why friendship is important. we all need friends by our side to support us. they may not know exactly what we are going through, but they may be going through similar situations as us. an ideal friend for me, would be one who will not give clues of finding me boring, even if i am. one who will be there for me to listen to continuous rants about school and homework and school and homework and life. one whom i am confident, will always be there for me through thick and thin, so that hopefully, we can go through different situations together. i..

right now i feel like i'm a disappointment and a paranoid asshole who has to get a grip on life. 

(sorry i guess i just typed this post out unexpectedly because of some problems i'm going through right now)